Steinberg writes about four basic rules to have a decent life.
- Stay in school (at least through high school)
- Don’t have children until you are married
- Don’t break the law
- Avoid being idle - don't quit a job unless you have another one and if unemployed, take whatever job you can find
It seems pretty simple. Steinberg point out that breaking one or more of the rules does not destine someone to a life of poverty. The commonality of the four rules is that all involve delaying gratification. Your patience with your child will pay-off in the long run.
The studies show that children who are closer to their parents (emotionally and physically) are less likely to get into trouble. The teen may look at it as controlling, but it is monitoring and keeping them safe. There is plenty of time to do all those things they think they should do without their parents. If the teen cannon manage themselves, then the parent should. I say this when they have repeated behaviors, they do not like to be redirected, and then they hear “if you cannot manage yourself, I will”.
One day they will appreciate you. Even if they don’t show it right now.
Reference: Laurance Steinberg, Ph.D.